Growing Up Griffith: FAIL

Thursday, June 6, 2013

FAIL

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Lukespeak

2 years
Me: "Luke, did you just hit Brody?"
Luke: "No."
Me: "Then what did you do?"
Luke: "Ummm, leeet's see... just bonk Brody?"

Me: "Luke, are your teeth coming in yet?"
Luke: "Yeah."
Me: "Are they hurting you?"
Luke: "Ummm leeeet's see." (puts finger in the back of his mouth and bites it) "Ouch! YEAH they hurting you!"

At the doctor's office after the tongue depressor: "Gook (Luke) choke. My no like it that stick."

Jarud and I were hugging and Luke came to join in and was hugging on our legs: "I love you boys and girls!"

"Daddy, lets crash. Ready set go!"

Luke laying his head on my knee: "Mommy, you need to shave that."

Luke watching me put my make-up on: "Mommy, you color on your face?"

"Mommy, it's 'bout to be 'bout time."

"My tiger changed into a monkey and his name is Clarabelle. He is orange with a red beak like a purple pelican. He has brown feet. He colored them. Now they're brown."

"Mommy, you're my sweet girl. I love you my girl!"

After my car ran out of gas we told Luke that the car was broken and that Daddy was going to try to fix it with some gas. Luke infers... "Mommy had bad gas."

Eating at McDonald's on his road trip to TX with grandparents:
Luke: "Okay, my ready go to Texas now!"
Nonna: "Actually, Luke, you're already in Texas!"
Luke: "NO, Nonna, this not Texas. This McDonald's!"

"Mommy, I'm not proud of Eli's spit. I'm a bi-bit sad about it."

Luke: "Mommy, this is a highway?"
Me: "No, babe, this is just a street."
Luke: "Well, slow down mommy!"

To multiple tables in the restaurant while pointing at my shirt:
"MY baby drinks THAT milk!"

"There goes Mr. Daddy, speeding away."

"Mommy, I'm going to play football now. I'm a MAN."

2 1/2 years
"I am gonna poop AND potty and it's gonna be TASTIC!"

Holding my hand in the backseat of the car:
"Look Daddy, we're friends back here!"

As I'm straightening up the house: "Mommy, who's coming over?"

"That train said he was going to the airport, but I told him no, that's only for birds and airplanes!"

Luke was about to sneeze, but it never came. To the dog: "Copper, did you trick my bless you?"

"Mommy, you're my best big girl."

"Daddy, you're my best big brother EVER."

In the car on the way home from church:
Luke: "I'm 'bout to potty!"
Me: "We're almost home! Try to hold it!"
Luke leaning over talking to his lap: "Hang on potty we're almost home!"

Me: "Luke, when did you get so big??"
Luke: "For I eat a lot of food."

Early morning after little sleep, with no make-up and curlers in my hair.
Luke: "Mom, you look so cute!"
Yeah, he definitely got lots of kisses after that one!!

Luke: "Dad are you coming to school with us?"
Dad: "No, I'm going to work."
Luke: "Ooohhh! With all your ladies?"
Dad: "??? There are ladies there, but they're not my ladies."
Luke: "I think they are, Dad."

Luke: "Mom, where is Eli's daddy?"
Me: "Eli's daddy is your daddy and he's at work. You have the same daddy."
Luke: "OH! I didn't KNOW that!!"
Was he thinking mailman, or what??

Luke: "Mommy, you are my prettiest girl!"
Me: "LUKE! That is so sweet!!"
Luke: "And you're an old lady."

Me: "Okay, Luke, let's go home."
Luke: "Let's go home, the lady says."

Luke and I were talking about heaven.
Luke: "Jesus is in heaven?"
Me: "Yes, he is!"
Luke: "And I can go too?"
Me: "Yes, someday you can!"
Luke: "OH my goodness! After dinner?"

"Copper has grumpy teeth."

"Mom, could you please help me pick up my puzzle? I don't have enough time right now."

Me: "Luke please don't climb up on that box."
Luke: "Cause then I might crash off on my head and bang my head and cry and have to go to the hospital? Yeah, I won't do that next time, Mom."

Luke being weird.
Brody: "Luke what's WRONG with you?"
Luke: "I don't know, Brody. Don't ask me."

Brody: "Luke, can I have a turn with that?"
Luke: "No."
Luke noticing I'm watching... "Actually, yeah! You can, Brody, I forgot!"

Me whacking my thumb: "OW!"
Luke: "What happened, seetie pie? You don't have to worry about it. Was it this one?" (kissing my thumb) "Oh, I'm sorry, seetie pie."

Luke: "Mom we need to get married."
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Luke: "Yeah, because we do a lot of kissing!"
Me: "Yes we do! But I have to tell you, I already married daddy!"
Luke: "Ooohhh. Oopsy!!"

3 years
"Dear God help us to watch TV, and help us eat candy, and help us not get sick. Amen."

Luke: "Did Eli get baptized?"
Jarud: "No, he just fell over."

"Mom, I love you really BAD!!"

"Why do those rocks keep doing that to my foots?" (tripping him)

"Mom, will you get Eli out of here? He's being a mess."

"Moooooooom!!! I'm done pooping! It was EASY-SQUEEZY!"

"Mom, remember when you were borned? Yeah, that was a long time ago."

"When I'm a daddy I'm going to drive a red race car with a black steering wheel, a red engine and a gray engine and a red spoiler."

"That was on accident really bad."

Luke: "Mom I have 60 soccer games today."
Me: "Wow, how are you going to get to all those?"
Luke: "I'll just kick a goal and run!"

"Mom, did you know I have love in my heart to give to you? Do you have some in your heart for me?"

"Mom my booty is stinky! Sniff it!!"

"That little girl was AWESOME CUTE!"

"Mom, you are just like a princess!"

"Mom you are the only one who's cute." (I'm relishing this while it lasts...)

Me: "I love you, babe."
Luke: "Love you too, little woman!"

Evangelizing the dog:
"Don't worry about Jesus, Copper! He's special! He's in your doggie heart!"

Typing a pretend message:
Dear You,
I like to play something what I don't know yet. Goodbye.

"Mom, dinosaur is in time-out because he ate my face."

Me: "Gentle with your wrestle, Luke."
Luke: "Cause you're old like a grandma?"
Me: "NO, I am NOT old like a grandma I am young like a princess."
Luke: "You're not young like a princess, mom."
Me: "I'm not?"
Luke: "No you're just a princess."
Me: "Okay, I'll take it."

Watching the sunrise.
Luke: "I see sun lashes!"

"Mom you know the ever there was yucky thing ever? Dipping crackers in ketchup."

Luke: "Mom, does your back hurt?"
Me: "No, why do you ask?"
Luke: "Because I wanted to know the answer to that question."

"I'm the light side of the forest, but Anakin Skywalker is the dark side."

"Mom, I love you more than RED!" (his favorite color)

Luke: "Mom you are the best mom EVER!!"
Me: "Wow thanks Luke! What makes you say that?"
Luke: "Daddy."

Announcing his brother:
"God and Jesus, Ladies and Teenager! And now it's Eli the PLAYER!"

Luke: "Mom, you know what I'm going to dream about?"
Me: "What?"
Luke: "Loving you!"

Luke: "Mom, is dad getting close to 100?"
Mom: "Yeah, pretty close."

"Mommy, why's that guy got a ponytail? Does he not have scissors?"

"Mom, my booty is itching but my hand is messy. Will you scratch it?"

"Mom I love you as much as God loves you!"

"I can howl as much as Daddy!!" (???)

"Mom you are a lady and we are MANS."

"Hey Mom? I'm just thinking about dinosaurs and how cool they are."

"Mom, I love you more than a dinosaur! Isn't that a lot??? Is that more than you can think? Brody do you love your mom that much?"

4 years
Mom: "Thanks for the love, Luke."
Luke: "That's pity love, mom."

Standing on his stepstool getting ready to perform: "Welcome to the Valium show!!" (I promise we don't take Valium)

"This race car has white fire and bombs coming out the back. It's just for awesome. Well, and for showing off."

"Mom, show that to my face so my face can think about it."

Wrestling with brother: "Eli, I'm not in this for head games!"

"Hey! That was just last morrow!"

Luke: "Eli, you can flush my poop if you want to!"
Eli: "OH!!! THANK you, Bubbah!"

Wrestling with Daddy on the floor...
"This is why we have a dad: to wrestle and to work for our food!"

"Don't worry, mom- this looks like love, but it's just wrestle."

Luke: "Eli, don't eat me because that will make me bled and die."
Eli: "Bled and die???"
Luke: "Yes, so don't eat me."
Eli: "Okay bubbah."

"If there was a laughing race I would win because I laugh so hard and fast!"

"Mom I'm getting so tall! My legs go all the way from my shoes to the top of my shorts!"

Luke: "Mom, why are you lining all those up like that?"
Mom: "Oh, because mom just has some weird issues."
Luke: "Like usual."

Eli: "Dad, if you argue Mommy will spank you."
Dad: "Well, Mommy doesn't spank Daddy."
Luke: "No, Nonna will do it." (Jarud's mom)

"Mom, who's that girl? Reding Ride Hooding Wood? Wait, what's her name again?"

"Dad, triceratops is trying to get dead but he can't find anybody strong enough."

To Titus:
"When you grow up you can be 10 or 55! Oh yes you can!"

Trying to give Luke a little perspective of what heaven might be like...
Me: What is something that you love that makes you really happy?
Luke: Getting all dirty in the mud and being camouflaged to a tree!!
Me: uhhhh... well, heaven is even better than that!
Luke: It IS???? WOW!!!

5 years
Me: "My tummy did not like that dinner."
Luke: "Oh. Well did your tongue like it?"

"I'm growing up so fast! These years are going on so quickly!"

"Mom, you're still bigger than me. And you're fatter too. Do you like being fat, mom?"

Pulling up to the park realizing we're the only ones there.
Luke: "Ahhhh peace and quiet! I cant wait!"

"Mom, when dad gets home I want him to take off my training wheels and put on an engine."

Eating chocolate cake:
"Actually mom, I like this maroon bread better than the frosting."

Me: "Luke, those socks really don't match your outfit."
Luke: "Mom I'm going to be running so fast nobody will be able to tell."

Luke says: "Oh mom! Is that you singing? I thought baby Titus was crying."

Luke: "Watch out Eli, I'm bringing the thunder."
Eli: "You're bringing the FUNDER??"
Luke: "Yeah. I am. That means I'm comin' through."

"Mom, I'm not a threat. I'm just a ninja."

"Mom I wish you had another baby in your tummy. Then we would have FOUR boys. And we would all be making bad decisions and you would have to STOP and say, 'what should I DO??'"

"Mom I wish Titus would stay a baby forever."

Eli: "Mom, God and Jesus are camouflaged in the sky and clouds."
Luke: "No they're not. They're invisible. Invisible with liberty and justice for all."

As I'm playing the classic Mario Bros game...
Luke: "OH! So you're actually GOOD at this??"

"Mom, Eli and I agreed that when he wears his Silver Surfer unders I can call him 'dude.'"

Eli: "Daddy's pretty smart, but I'm the smartest."
Luke: "No, I'm the smartest. OH! No! Clowns! They're the smartest!"
Eli: "Clowns??"
Luke: "Yeah you know those little funny guys? They're really smart."

6 years
As we pull in from church we notice our neighbor has a lot of cars parked in front of their house. Luke says: "Wow looks like they're having a SLUMBO party!"

Luke: "Mom look at us- we are being in a big group just like teenagers do!"
Me: "Oh yeah they do that don't they? What do you think they talk about?"
Luke: "Jobs."

"Look mom! This is making my hair all statical!"

At church Titus lies back into Luke's lap like a baby and Luke says: "Oh MOM! I've been waiting my WHOLE LIFE for him to do this!!"

"Whenever our clock chimes I put my hand over my heart for reference."

The restaurant we were at had Tom and Jerry on a TV and Luke says:
"OH! I hope they have Booby Tunes!! I LOVE BOOBY TUNES!!!" in a very not-quiet voice.

7 years
"Whenever Titus gets hurt it makes my spine feel cold." :(

Titus: "My body is tailing."
Me: "What? What does that mean?"
Titus: "It means my booty hurts."
Luke: "Hmm. Must be some kind of code."

Eli Lingo

11 mo.
Trying to put Eli down for bed a little bit early.
Mom: "Time for bed."
Eli: "Light." (he's signing.)
Mom: "Yes, I know it's light outside, but it's time for bed."
Eli: "Light."
Mom: "Love you, sweet dreams."
Eli: "Light."
Mom: "See you in the morning."
Eli: "Light."

17 mo.
Eli: "No no no no."
Mom: "Oh yeah? What'd you do?"
Eli: "Touch."
Mom: "What did you touch?"
Eli: (pointing to the diaper pail)
Mom: "Yeah, that's yucky, you're right."

19 mo.
Mom: "Eli? Was that your booty I just heard?"
Eli: "Nope."
Mom: "Oh yeah? Well then what was it?"
Eli: "Ummmm... car."

Mom: "You're pretty cute in those boots, Luke!"
Eli: "Eli cute shoes."

First official tattle: "Uh oh Mommy Bubbah no no crash it light throw football uh oh."

21 mo.
Requesting a treat: "Me Eli chocolate dessert!"

23 mo.
To Luke: "You best bubbah!" (you're the best brother)

"Look at my naked!" or "Look at my handsome!"

"That MAZING!"

2 years
Eli coming to hug me: "My love you, Mommy!"
Mom: "Thank you, Eli!!"
Eli: "I glad to do that, Mom."

Mom: "Eli, you need to put your milk down and eat your food."
Eli: "Oh, GWEAT."

"Red princess! Green princess! Bring me some coffee!!"

As I'm rubbing his back at bedtime...
Eli: "Can my have some coffee?"
Mom: "Coffee??! No, you need to lay down and go to sleep."
Eli: "When my get baptized my can have some coffee."

"Mom! Can my go to heaven PLEASE?!? I eat my crackers all gone! Can my go to heaven now??"

"We not fighting mom, we just using our muscles."

"Mom, I wish I have wings. I wish I fly like a bird. But I will miss you!"

"Mom, you best friend in whole world EVER!"

To Eli as he has a soccer ball stuffed in his shirt:
Mom: "How is baby Titus, Eli?"
Eli: "He's good in my tummy."
Mom: "What's he doing in there?"
Eli: "He's just thinking bout me."

"When my grow up I'm gonna be a man drinking hot coffee."

"Mom, if Copper poops on me will you wipe me off?"

Luke: "Can I have a turn with that car Eli?"
Eli: "Sure! In an hour and a half."

"Mom, does Target have Sponge Bill?"

Luke: "Mom did Copper grow in your tummy too?"
Me: "No, silly! We got him at a pet store."
Eli: "Did we get Titus at a pet store?"

Luke's reaction to Indian food...
Luke: "This is the best! I want it for breakfast, lunch and dinner!"
Eli's reaction to Indian food...
Eli: "I want some french fries."

Pointing a pistol at Daddy...
"Daddy, are you ready for a shoot?"

Me: "Oh man! What happened with this mess in here???"
Eli: "Me."

3 years
"Mom, actually I don't have to poop. My booty just had a cough."

"You're the best mom. I want to keep you forever." :) :) :)

As I'm helping Eli get his unders on:
"OH! I FORGOT about these!"

Luke: "Mom, I think you should have another baby. Yeah. Four. That would be fun."
Eli: "But MOM! We have daddy!!"

Eli: "No BUBBAH!! NO THANK you!!"
Luke: "I'm just baptizing you!"
Eli" "Oh NO you're NOT!!"

"Peanut butter and jelly?!?!? I have to sit down for THIS!!"

"Mom, when I'm scared God helps me. And when I'm making bad decisions God helps YOU!"

"Mom, I think I need some medicine. My voice is a little crooked."

"Mom, I don't want any oranges for breakfast because they get a little too nervous and I have to spit them out."

Luke: "Mom, are there real aliens?"
Eli: "No, bubbah, WE are the real aliens."

"Bubbah you need green eyes instead of blue because they work better at seeing the fast cars."

Eli: "Mom what time does that store open?"
Me: "9 o'clock."
Eli: "Oh. Well what clock is it now?"

"Mom, how do you write a silent 'H'?"

"Look our car has ice prickles hanging down!"

"I can't wait til I'm 10 because I will look kinda like a daddy and I'll have some little hairs coming out my lips!"

After splashing in the puddles: "That was the funnest thing I've ever SEEN! It was so fun I almost can't even SAY it!"

"When I was putting my unders on mom I sang 'Battle Belongs to the Lord.' That makes me go faster."

From Luke at bed while I'm rubbing his back I get some sweet contemplative thoughts about his day, some things he did, friends he talked with, etc. From Eli I get: "Mom. Diplodocus has a tail that is 20 degrees LONG and he can swing T-Rex DOWN."

"WOAH BLACK MUSTANG!!! I'm good to eye with that, mom."

Mom: "Eli if you want to play outside this afternoon you need to take a nap."
Eli: "Oh. I think I'm about to feel sleepy."

4 years
"It's like little water fountains splatting from the sky!" (we obviously don't get much rain here)

"Mom, it would NOT be fun to let a squirrel in our car because he would not obey the rules."

"Titus is really looking bigger from his foots to his head!"

"OUCH! Bubbah you need to get a sword that's not so hurtable!"

"If Maga can cook quail we could have quail. It's a kind of chicken, you know. When you cook it you kill it and it's meat!"

"Last year at Christmas I heard Santa's RINGLE bells!"

Eli: "Mom I wrote a story about a bird and a house."
Me: "OH! Can I hear it?"
Eli: "Once upon a time there was a bird that flew in a house. The end."

"MOM! LOOK! A MOOSE! Oh wait no- just a prairie dog."

"Mom this is how it is. First it's God then it's peregrine falcons."

Mom: "Anybody have any ideas for dinner this week?"
Eli: "I know!! Chicken!"
Mom: "Okay, what kind of chicken?"
Eli: "The chicken you cook."
Mom: "Well, you can cook it lots of different ways..."
Eli: "Dinner chicken."
Mom: "umm..."
Eli: "I know- chicken with some meat in it!"
Mom: "Okay, I'll see if I can make that work."

5 years
"I wish I had rocket shoes so I could go to Maga's house anytime I wanted!"

Mom: "Eli, what's your favorite kind of truck?"
Eli: "Is there a truck with bird cages inside?"
Mom: "I suppose so..."
Eli: "THAT is my favorite kind."

Eli: "Titus can you smell Eli's breath?"
Titus: "OH!"
Eli: "Can you say pee-eww??"

"I'm bringing my scooter out here so I don't get boring."

"That zoo-peeper is throwing them some fish!"

"Mom all day long when I toot it smells like an animal."

Eli: "Mom my brain is cracking me up."
Mom: "Oh yeah? What's it doing?"
Eli: "Can't tell you mom. It's too silly. It's just for kids."

"I'm going to sleep with little doggie and blankie just like in my old days."

"Mom why do you have so many wrinkles on your neck??"

Eli: "Dad when did you go to England?"
Dad: "In college. I was about 20 years old."
Eli: "Wow. Mom were you even BORN yet??"

Pretending to camp in a tent with Luke:
"It's six o'clock. Wake up or I'll shoot you."

6 years
In front of chapel preparing to read Philippians 4:4:
"Please turn in your song books to Problems 4:4."

"What starts with H and ends with LL? Hawksbill turtle!"

Mom: "If you ever want to do something nice for a girl like Mommy or Maga you can get her flowers. Girls love flowers."
Eli: "Yeah and horse stuffed animals. Most girls love those."

Titus Tattle

21 months
"Up mommy!" Requesting I turn up the volume of my bedtime lullaby.

23 months
"Happy Quack!" Requesting that I sing "Happy Birthday Quack" (???) for his bedtime song.

2 years
Mom: "Titus did you dump this whole box out?"
Titus: "Yes my did."

"Here mommy. Eat dat wif your BIG ONE mouf."

After a long night:
Mom: "Titus, why did you call mommy so many times last night?"
Titus: "I need talk to you. I like talk to mommy!"

Me: "Titus you're a little fatso!"
Titus: "No I not fatso!! I cooking!!"

Me: "Titus do you want a bedtime song?"
Titus: "Yes. Mommy pick it. Mommy think about it. Say 'hmmmm.'"

Showing his literalism:
Me: "Uh-oh Titus what's in your mouth?"
Titus: "My teeth!!"
-and-
Me: "What is that you're standing on?"
Titus: "My foots!!"

About to read a book:
Me: "Okay, sit on your bottom."
Titus: "No, I sit on mommy's bottom." (my lap)

Bringing me a dead bug: "Bug not working mom!"

Wanting attention while I was tutoring math with a student:
"Come here mommy. Hold my hand. I show you. Daddy! DO MATH."

Me: "You're pretty silly, Titus."
Titus: "No I just linking my eyes."

Not a quote but funny. I had locked the door when I went into the bathroom. Since I did not let him in at the knock he took his power tools to the screws on the hinges.

Knocking his head:
"What's in here mommy?"
"Your brain!"
"I no have a brain!!"

"MOM! I wipe my bottom with myself!!"

Titus: "I need different teeth."
Me: "What's wrong with the teeth you've got?"
Titus: "I no like these white ones."
Me: "You don't?? What kind of teeth are you wanting?"
Titus: "I need blue teeth mom."
Me: "The dentist doesn't have that option."
Titus: "You need paint my teeth blue mom. Just one time."

Me: "Do you know what God gave you Titus?"
Titus: "YES. Four and five black mommies and a different fire engine."

3 years
Wrapping his arms around my neck: "I tight you mommy! You're in a lock!"

Hugging me: "I squeeze your juice out!"

After spinning around and around: "THE HOUSE IS TIPPING!!"

As a jet's flying overhead: "What is that FANTASTIC sound??"

"I love you mom, you are my child."

"Can I have some water mom? I'm really drinky."

"Mom I don't like that air coming out of your nose. It's too hot. Please don't do breathing."

"Dear God please be with the people who don't have houses, and the people who don't have mouths to eat their food, and the zoos that don't have giraffes." (because a zoo without a giraffe is just as bad as a face without a mouth)

After getting in trouble for lying we hug and he says, "It's me mom, not you."

"I don't understand a lot a bit. Just a little bit."

Daddy: "Titus stop whining every time we say no. Mommy and Daddy are tired of hearing eeehhhhhhh, waaaaa, map!" Titus laughing: "Daddy you goof me up with that!"

Jumping out of hiding at Daddy: "Daddy, did I sneak you up?"

"This candy tastes like dragon blood and pumpkin candle!"

4 years
"Mom can you not sing today? I'm sick." Thanks, son.

"TOMATO soup?? Why not STRAWBERRY soup??"

Wrapping a present: "I'm going to secret it up!!"

As we are following Auntie Paige to the restaurant: "She's getting away from us! UGH- I wish the Blue Bullet had better wheels!!"

"Mom!! I saw an old grandma that can WALK!! But not TOO fast because she has a stepping stick."

"Titus you knew that, right? That the moon is really a reflection? The sun is shining it's light on the moon." " NO! Mom. Really there is a man in there with a switch and he switches it on at night!" Ha- you win, T.

5 years

"I love you with make-up on, Mom. You are so beautiful." So of course I had to tell him that God made girls beautiful even without make-up. But he says, "Hmm. Well I pretty much like you better with it on."

"Alexander you need to hold my hand in the parking lot because I'm going to be a police officer and I'm bigger than you."

6 years

"Mom! Eli got a coupon for a free KaROWDY class!"

"Thanks mom for dinner! It tastes so good I hope!"

T: "Eli can you do the spits?" E: "SPLITS TITUS!!" T: "God can do the spits. But only in heaven."

"Mom you are the best mom I've ever known about! I just want to cover you up with a blanket SO BAD!"

7 years

As dad is driving on the highway in OKC, "We're bout to drift!"

Thursday, June 6, 2013

FAIL

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